Friday, July 28, 2006

I really don't see how they do it...

Single Moms.

Recently placed a new associate on probation at work. Three weeks later she resigned and moved back home. Being on her own, with her 3-year-old son, in a new town was too much. I felt a bit guilty, but you really can't descriminate either way...if the requirement is to be at work from 8:30 - 5:30, Monday - Friday...that's the requirement. It's really irrelevant why...right?

My wife has been out of town for the last two days. She took our two teenagers with her. Kay Arthur women's and teen conference in TN was the draw. That leaves me with the three younger ones. We arranged for summer camp/pre-school/day care (whatever you want to call it) for the two pre-schoolers, and my son comes to work with me. To get them all up, fed, dressed, groomed, loaded up, to school puts me about an hour later to work than usual. To pick them up, feed them dinner, get my son to soccer practice by 6:00, has me leaving work an hour earlier than usual. Lunch was an hour longer to go home and let the dog out to do his business...so I was about 35% less productive than usual. But I own the company, so I guess it's ok...I guess?

I further rationalize that this is the exception, not the rule (our probated associate missed 8 of the first 20 days). I also freely admit, if my wife did not stay home we would definitely not have five children, and if I were single, things would be much different...however, that being said...

...Single moms have a rough road to hoe. They absolutely have to make concessions and choices regarding what they can and can't do, and what their children can and can't participate in.

Somehow, in an effort to not make anyone feel bad, or like they made a bad choice, we don't talk about this. And often the choice wasn't their's at all...it was some crappy dad/husband. But can we back up and be more descriminant with our choices for mates...or are we that desperate to fit in? What are the odds you can find a single mom, who really admits their path is tougher for them and their child, willing to talk to high school girls about the choices they face and the results that follow.

So, my thoughts are:
1. Single moms who are struggling should put pride aside and put themselves in a position to talk to young girls about the hard reality of their situation...and I don't mean in posh churches or Christian schools, but at youth centers, inner city churches and public schools.
2. As Christians, we need ministries to single moms to help them...to give them a break...a place for the kids to go...to show the love of Jesus to those in need.

Any other thoughts on this?

2 Comments:

Blogger some chick said...

just because someone isn't a Christian or doesn't have it together doesn't mean others can't learn from their mistakes, even if they are in the midst of their mistakes. just because someone has bitterness in their life doesn't mean they can't help people. we would all be in trouble.

my husband and i took in a runaway pregnant teenager for a while last year and a friend of ours brought over someone who is a single mom, with five kids from four different dads who still makes bad choices and knows it. she doesn't even currently have custody of all of her kids. she and this teen had a great conversation sitting at my kitchen table, and it was her voice, not ours, that made her consider choices we had been trying to get her to consider, simply because this woman knew what she was going through and we, as much as we loved her, couldn't. even though the mom of five knows she continues to screw up, she still had good things to say about what she has learned from her mistakes.

and she has a woman, my friend, investing in her life and the lives of her children, and the teen has us to invest in her life as long as she leaves the door open for us to. we don't live in a vacuum, and we can still learn a lot from people who continuously make mistakes.

7:39 PM

 
Blogger some chick said...

bee lover,

i'm sorry that I seem to have offended you. that was not my intention. if i twisted what you said, that was not my intention nor attempt.

i was only trying to suggest that other people have good things to offer us as well. I wasn't trying to make a theological statement. hal was asking if he thought single women had advice to give, and my post was simply to say "yes, they do."

if my commenting here is a problem, i will gladly stop. i'm not trying to start some war or anything, just offering my different perspective to hal, as he does to me as well.

8:37 PM

 

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